I was rereading my last post, “High Hopes”, and realized I probably sounded really…what’s the word?…oh, pathetic. Same with my “My (Nonexistent) Hobbies” post. I imagine some people are thinking, “Wow, Ash. Dependent on Austin, much? You’re not your own person.” ‘Cause I know that’s what I was thinking and I’m sure if my parents read these that they’d think the same. But I came to a realization. Let me explain.
Yes, I am my own person. I have my own goals and dreams and wants and needs just like anyone else. A lot of my time now has been going towards school and blogging, mainly school. Blogging has now become my new hobby (yay me, right?! Finally!). One of my goals/ dreams has been to travel. I love travelling and seeing new things. My heart says to go places, but my wallet says, “where? The backyard?” I also want to one day settle down and be a stay at home mom/ “housewife”.
I also really want to be by Austin’s side with his YouTube career. I want to experience everything with him, like travelling to go to conventions, meeting the community/family he’s created, meeting our new friends overseas, etc. I want to be there for it all to support him every step of the way. I want to help make his dreams come true first. If I can be honest, my dreams will be able to come true at some point as long as his come first. Think about it, I want to travel. With him doing YouTube, he’s most likely going to have to travel for work and I’d (hopefully) get to go with him. Boom. Two at once.
“Well, Ashley, you need to do you first.” Wrong! Nope. Nuh uh. I’m going to put everything of mine on the back burner until Austin gets to where he needs to be and I’m going to do whatever it takes to help him get there, too. Point blank period. If I have to get my job back as a bartender so that way he can focus on YouTube while it’s slow, then I will. It’ll suck because I’ll be going to school and working nights but if it helps him to where he’s not stressing about finances then so be it. Plus, I love bartending (which is quite surprising considering I don’t like people) so it wouldn’t be too bad, I guess. Anything he needs me to do, I’m going to do.
By the way, no one has outright said these things, but I imagine it may come across that I can’t be my own person or that I’m too dependent on Austin when reading these. It’s not the case at all, though. I just don’t want to be selfish. Plus, Austin’s worked so hard for this. I’m not going to just not help or support him. I’m not going to do my own thing while he does his. No. We’re a team. I’m going to be that annoying, supportive girlfriend! LOL
It’s not just him I’m going to try to support, either, it’s going to be his friends, other YouTubers, etc. I want to see them succeed. I probably come across as super annoying, though. I ‘like’ just about every post I see on Twitter. I’m over here like, “Yeah! You go! Wooh!” and I just imagine people on Twitter are like, “Jesus Christ, she’s so annoying.” I’m sorry! It’s just who I am. *insert laughing emoji here*
Okay, so I’m just rambling at this point. Thanks for reading! Byeeee!